The Ranch Golf Club

The slope doesn't lie.

If you're feeling especially on top of your game, and if you like a challenge, The Ranch Golf Club in San Jose should put a big smile on your face.

Or it could kick your teeth in.

The 2004 track plays just 5,808 yards from the white tees, but has a whopping 139 slope. You may feel like you have to play the blues, which measure only 6,389 yards, but if you do you will be faced with a 71.3 rating and an unheard of 147 slope.

What makes The Ranch so punishing? Just about everything.

The biggest obstacles are the hills. Then there are more hills, and even steeper hills. Throw in narrow fairways, hazards left and right, long carries off the tees, some water, 64 bunkers, two- and three-tiered greens ... well, you get the idea.

Still, the unqiue course can be had, but you must hit the ball straight, or know exactly how to work your fade or draw.

Get off track and you're dead. Stay in the short grass and you could be headed for a score that will do wonders for your index.

Your round starts with a small taste of what's to come, although the short par-4 at No. 1 is one of your best chances at birdie all day. The tee shot over a hazard with traps left and right may be intimidating, but get used to it ... you ain't seen nothin' yet.

The blind approach also is interesting, if you don't hit long enough to reach to top of the hill. But walk to the top - you can't take carts off the paths, although with the side hills you wouldn't really want to anyway - and get a good look at your approach, which is about as open as you'll see.

The real test begins at No. 2, where even a 230-yard drive from the white tees will leave you with 140 yards of pure carry uphill over a hazard to a sloping green protected in front by a bunker.

No. 3 features one of the weirdest tee shots you'll see anywhere. The landing area is very narrow, but a wild tee shot left of the fairway can carom off a rock wall and back into the fairway. The approach again must cross a hazard.

A rugged par-5 across the hazard follows at No. 4, and then a long par-3 guarded by five bunkers.

No. 6 is a monster, a long, uphill par-4 with a long carry off the tee over the hazard.

You get to drive back down the hill on No. 7, one of the toughest, narrowest par-5s you'll see anywhere. The approach also must cross a pond to a long, narrow green.

If you're still playing, take heart. The hardest holes are behind you.

Get shots back at No. 8, a relatively short par-3, and No. 9, a very short par-5 to a 58-yards-deep, three-tiered green.

If you scored well on the front side, give yourself a big pat on the back and enjoy a much easier second nine.

The shortest par-4s on the course at Nos. 10 and 11 give you two great birdie opportunities if you stay in the fairway. The back side also has just one par-5, and the par 3s are among the shortest you'll find anywhere.

Think you've seen enough peculiarities? The last par-3, No. 15, has a bunker in the middle of the green, a la No. 6 at Riveria Country Club in Los Angeles.

Get another shot back at No. 17, if you can navigate another severely sloping green.

No. 18 is a beautiful finish, a short par 4 with water down the entire right side and fronting a wide-but-shallow green.

A permanent clubhouse is still a work in progress, but temporary facilities are fine, and there are two on-course restrooms.

The upside here is a truly unique course, and a chance for a real challenge. Conditions are fine, and will only get better as the weather warms and the side hills can be mowed. And despite all the hills, there are a lot of flat landing areas for tee shots.

The challenge here is just that ... this course simply may be too tough for high handicappers. There also are huge distances between holes, so carts are a necessity (even though you probably wouldn't want to walk this course anyway).

You may have to take a few clubs with you when you leave the cart on the path, but sprinkler-head yards are abundant, and there are 200-, 150- and 100-yard markers on the paths.

The $5 yardage book also should save you several strokes, especially on the holes where you must club down off the tee.

The Ranch also has a steep price, $80 during the week (including cart and bottled water). And the 90-mile drive can be taxing during commute times.

But this is a one-of-a-kind track, and worth playing at least once.

Just schedule a round on a nice, gentle muni shortly afterward so you can put some lower numbers on your card.

Directions - Take Interstate 80 west to I-680 south. Take Highway 101 south. Take the Yerba Buena Road exit east, and turn right on Silver Creek Valley Road. Turn right on Hassler Parkway and follow the signs.